pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
