dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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