there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
