Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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