If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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