i think my tv is drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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