just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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