Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Pants are for mortals
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
