Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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