I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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