your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
