Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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