i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
