Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
