whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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