I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
