and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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