By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
