I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
