My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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