If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
