I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Of course I have a pirate flag
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
