what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
