Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
