Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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