I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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