If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
