When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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