Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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