I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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