The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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