next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
