You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
