he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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