Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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