Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
