i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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