Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Randomize
