Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
