Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
