Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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