They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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