I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
