I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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