the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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