if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
