Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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