$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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