No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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