I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Are my feet made of real feet?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
