God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
