Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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