I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
