dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
