i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
