this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
