I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
