Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
