yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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