well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
