what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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