Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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