Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
