Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
